You know, It’s hard to look for support and advice from people on a message board that the person I’m writing about reads! lol… Well, after a wonderful visit from Tracey, I made a comment about us being friends and she asked if we could be more… It put me in a difficult situation because I do like her a lot, but I don’t want to get into a relationship right now…. Also, she lives 3 hours away… by plane… not cool… I like her a lot so I did agree to “date” her if you can call it that while It’ll probably be a month or two before we get to see eachother again (Hey wait!? does this mean that I have to pay for dinner next time????) Until then, there’s the telephone…. 😉
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Well, normally I wouldn’t comment.. but here it is, plain as day, a place to do just that. This is meant to be nothing more than a friendly observation.
I think you’re sending extremely mixed messages when you ask her to move, then post online for the world to read that you aren’t interested in a relationship. Sounds more like Tracey is the one that has been placed in a difficult position.
And by the way, long distance relationships are only as much of an obstacle as you want them to be.
~ Tina
I know Tracey very well and for a very long time. I can’t see her moving across country just to be with a guy when it may or may not work out yet. I believe Jason is correct in trying to keep it casual…for now. After all, they just met face to face. It would careless and irresponsible of them to jump into anything serious this soon. As for mixed signals, I don’t believe there have been any. Jason and Tracey both know where they stand and any moves forward will be made together.
~~Taz
Tina, I respect your concern for Tracey. I do not want to hurt Tracey or myself. I have been honest with her, and hope that I’ve been clear with my feelings on the situation. I am very fond of her, but I have only met her the one weekend she was in New York… I won’t start a committed relationship with someone that I don’t know that well, but thats not to say that I wouldn’t consider one in the future. I would love for Tracey to move to NY so I could get to know her better and spend more time with her. She told me she was planning to move to NY and I did support her but I don’t think that I’m really pressuring her into doing it, but I will talk to her about that. (Actually, she’s on the phone right now as I’m typing this.) Even if things didn’t work out, we’d be great friends…Speaking of which.. Why arent you buggin’ her to come move by us? 🙂
I can see your concerns, and please don’t hesitate to come to me or tracey with any concerns becuse the last think I want to do is hurt her, or be hurt myself.
There is a world of difference between dating and a committed relationship. Dating is as casual as it gets. A period of dating must precede any decision of committment and I believe your original entry was about being placed in a difficult position when asked to “date”…. I still think it sends a mixed message when you post you were placed in a difficult position by being asked to take that first initial step in getting to know someone, namely dating, when you’ve already talked about having them move. Sounds a lot like “I’d love for you to move here, but I’m not sure if I’d like to date you to get to know you better yet or not”.
Clearly this is not how either of you feel, but I think the wording on the original post could have been more… delicately phrased.
~T
T, I’m not sure where you are getting this “mixed signal” from. Tracey should be the only one receiving any signals and, clearly, she’s not getting them mixed. I can understand how you would be a bit confused by it, because after all, they weren’t directed towards you. You are merely on the sidelines looking in.
As for the moving part, Tracey had thought of moving to New York loooong before talking to Jason. If I were in Jason’s shoes, I would have been happy knowing that one of my friends is moving to my city. Of course he would be happy, because even if nothing romantic panned out of their being together, a great friendship would.
I’m happy that Tracey has made a new friend. I’m happy for the possibility that something may form from that friendship. They are both taking small and slow steps because they both know that nothing may form from this friendship, except friendship. And as Tracey’s friend, I support her in this.
And I would think as Tracey’s friend, you would too.
~~Taz
Okay ..let me first say that I feel so darn loved that my friends would fight about me. 🙂
Honestly though, To both Tina and Taz, I love that you guys care enough to make sure that I am treated well by everyone. I know that you both want the best for me and I’m so glad that you feel I deserve that.
I don’t want us to all fight over this. I think that both Jason and I are being careful about things but I don’t want us to have to be so careful that we have to analyze each others words. I think, in the conversations we have had, that we both agree on where things stand or how we feel. Yes, the original post that Jason made kinda bothered me but I e-mailed him directly and talked to him about it. We cleared the matter up then and there. I think the main argument is whether or not Jason is interested in me enough to want to get to know me better. I hope that he is because I know that I want to get to know him better. I honestly think it was just a wording kind of issue that got all of this started. The internet is a wonderful thing but you can’t always understand the intention behind the words and that always leads to some confusion.
Anyway,
I love you guys a lot and I want you to feel free to watch out for me but please also realize that I am a stubborn person and sometimes I just plain won’t listen to what you say. It’s not that I dont care it’s just that I sometimes have to figure out things on my own and trust my instincts. Right now my instincts tell me that I can trust Jason.
I hope that makes sense.